Thursday, September 17, 2015

Trending topics on the 'Discipline & Love' domestic discipline forums


If something interests you, simply click on the topic title here to go direct to the complete discussion on the D & L Forums
 

(Please Note: To preserve the privacy and security of our members, the forums are closed to public viewing and you will have to register in order to read or post there.  No charge is made for this or any other forum resource)




From our new member and moderator, Damien,  five brand new topics:

(This topic new today!)



Using the dynamics of your relationship, what's one thing about yourself that you would change?





Let's kick things off! In my introduction I mentioned that I believe in control as opposed to the use of power. A couple of people asked how I differentiate between the two.

With the use of power I can/could make her/him submit to me. The result of this, while for all intent and purpose would ultimately have the same result, it would lack fulfilment.

With the use of control, I can make her WANT to submit to me.
To me personally, her desire to submit to me is paramount.

What's more important to you, his/her ability to make you submit?
Or his/her ability to control not only you but themselves and inspire a need or desire in you to WANT to submit?

Goals
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?

Are your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?

Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?



For those of you who are in the early stages of developing a relationship based on Dominance and Submission, what are your fears?

Do you have any fears?

For those of you who are already in an established relationship based on Dominance and Submission, did you initially have any fears?

Did those fears come to any fruition or has your relationship progressed enough to surpass your initial fears?

Have you developed any long term fears/anxiety relating to the longevity of your relationship?

Is your significant other aware of those fears and have you discussed strategies that can alleviate the anxiety?

Are you aware of any fears or anxiety experienced by your significant other relating to your relationship dynamics?




For those with a submissive nature that were brave enough to ask their significant other to take control of the relationship. What's more important to you, having your own needs met or do these needs come second to the health of your relationship as a whole.

Same question directed to those Dominant natured people who sought a DD or D/s relationship?



As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?

Are your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?

Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?




From Avidrita:


Are you out of the closet?

 
Where i live, our dynamic is considered deviant and often disgusting to others. Admittedly, we live in an extremely liberal community that emphasizes female autonomy, so female submission in particular is offensive to many.

As a result, I struggle as a submissive with 'coming out' to friends and family. To some extent, it's none of their business just as anything anyone does in the intimacy of their relationship is no one's business. But in a larger sense, I often feel uncomfortably that I am hiding something from those closest to me.

As both Dominants and submissive, how public are you about your dynamic? How private? Do you ever get into difficult situations just by holding back? What reactions do you get when you are open? I wonder if Dominants get more positive feedback when they are public than submissives? 





Current Trending Topics on the Discipline and Love forums.....

Current Trending Topics on the Discipline and Love forums.....

Just click on the topic title to access the all the replies and ensuing discussions on the D & L Forums. 
(Note: To preserve the privacy and security of our members, the forums are closed to public viewing and you will have to register in order to read or post there)

From our new member and moderator, Damien,  four brand new topics:


Power versus Control

 
Let's kick things off! In my introduction I mentioned that I believe in control as opposed to the use of power. A couple of people asked how I differentiate between the two.

With the use of power I can/could make her/him submit to me. The result of this, while for all intent and purpose would ultimately have the same result, it would lack fulfilment.

With the use of control, I can make her WANT to submit to me.
To me personally, her desire to submit to me is paramount.

What's more important to you, his/her ability to make you submit?
Or his/her ability to control not only you but themselves and inspire a need or desire in you to WANT to submit?

Goals
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?

Are your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?

Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?



Fear and a relationship based on Dominance and Submission

  For those of you who are in the early stages of developing a relationship based on Dominance and Submission, what are your fears?

Do you have any fears?

For those of you who are already in an established relationship based on Dominance and Submission, did you initially have any fears?

Did those fears come to any fruition or has your relationship progressed enough to surpass your initial fears?

Have you developed any long term fears/anxiety relating to the longevity of your relationship?

Is your significant other aware of those fears and have you discussed strategies that can alleviate the anxiety?

Are you aware of any fears or anxiety experienced by your significant other relating to your relationship dynamics?


What's more important to you?


For those with a submissive nature that were brave enough to ask their significant other to take control of the relationship. What's more important to you, having your own needs met or do these needs come second to the health of your relationship as a whole.

Same question directed to those Dominant natured people who sought a DD or D/s relationship?




Goals


As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?

Are your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?

Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?




From Avidrita

Are you out of the closet?


Where i live, our dynamic is considered deviant and often disgusting to others. Admittedly, we live in an extremely liberal community that emphasizes female autonomy, so female submission in particular is offensive to many.

As a result, I struggle as a submissive with 'coming out' to friends and family. To some extent, it's none of their business just as anything anyone does in the intimacy of their relationship is no one's business. But in a larger sense, I often feel uncomfortably that I am hiding something from those closest to me.

As both Dominants and submissive, how public are you about your dynamic? How private? Do you ever get into difficult situations just by holding back? What reactions do you get when you are open? I wonder if Dominants get more positive feedback when they are public than submissives?





Sunday, September 13, 2015

The 'Discipline & Love' forums are back.



Welcome to a fresh new start at the  ‘Discipline & Love’ forums.

After a three month hiatus at the D & L forums, we have decided that it's about time we opened up our doors again. We genuinely hope that you will enjoy your time there, but there are some new conditions attached to this. It is obviously your choice whether or not you choose to accept these and continue to participate in our discussions, but we would like our members to know that these are conditions that *will* be enforced at the discretion of the admin team, when and how we consider it necessary.

Anyone who has a problem with something we do, or do not do, is welcome to discuss it privately with us, but, although we will always listen, we do not guarantee to reverse a decision and will only do so if we consider it appropriate under the particular circumstances. As always we will try to be fair and reasonable, but may sometimes have to act for what we see as the greater good.

It is the mission of 'D & L' to explore and try to understand the broader spectrum of consensual Dominant/submissive relationships as a way of life. This encompasses anything from a 'basic' DD relationship in which one partner submits to the authority of the other in given circumstances, through anything in between, to 'total power exchange' relationships in which one partner holds complete control over the other.

Although, in an intimate relationship, there will often be a sexual element to this and it is quite acceptable to talk about how this fits into the whole, in the context of this blog and forum our discussions are centred around D/s as a committed way of life between two people and *not* as something that consists solely of part time sexually based role play that has no connection with the way in which a couple interacts in everyday life. While that can have its legitimate place, that place is not 'D & L'. This does not mean that we have the unrealistic expectation that every facet of a person's life will directly and overtly involve D/s, but that the underlying commitment to D/s between two partners is something that is always there and cannot be randomly switched off.

We fully accept and understand that each couple is unique and that needs, wants and aims will vary considerably from couple to couple, which means that something that appeals to and works for one couple, may be entirely wrong for another. However, while we welcome respectful and educational discussion, questions, opinions, debate and even reasonable disagreement about another's way of doing things and we are happy to hear why you feel that that something would not be a good fit for you, we do not accept that it is in any way necessary to judge, negatively second guess, insult or put down someone else, whether directly or indirectly, or by means of snide remarks or veiled digs at individuals or groups of people, because their opinion or real life experiences are different from your own. If we consider that this is happening, the admin team will act on it.

Remember that, although the posts on a forum may look like simply words on a page, they are nevertheless written and posted by people who are no less real and capable of feelings than you, your 'real life' family, friends, neighbours and work colleagues. The fact that here we are opening up about one of the most intimate areas of our lives increases, rather than decreases, the potential for hurt and problems.

In conclusion, our expectation as a team is that the people here will treat others and their chosen way of life with respect and tolerance and that, if they have nothing positive, useful or helpful to add to a discussion and only wish to negatively criticise, contradict, or insult, they will make the decision not to add to it at all.


With those provisions, which we believe to be perfectly reasonable and achievable, we wish you a happy, safe and productive time at 'Discipline & Love'.  Don't forget that, in addition to the forum discussions, among many other things, we have a live on site mini-chat, a facility for making personal blogs which you can choose to keep private or make visible and/or open to comments by the other members, extensive DD and other resources, links to other sites and resources, a storyboard and picture book and slideshow poser toon stories by Overbarrel.


I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome Damien, who has kindly agreed to redress the balance by adding the first ever Dominant element to our admin team. He joins with his sub HisElizabeth and has posted his introduction on the forums here:


http://www.disciplineandlove.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7332


Regards to all.  We are glad to be back.

The Admin Team at 'Discipline & Love'.